Team Save
Team Destroy
A Satirical Performance Art Project & Novelty E-Commerce Storefront

The House of Crust

A widow bread, A spreading mold, A 30-day countdown.
You decide her fate.

Charlie Deceased
Charlie the bread Shot by the bread cult.
&
Erika Still Alive
Erika the bread Fighting a deadly mold.
Time remaining to decide her fate
--Days
:
--Hours
:
--Mins
:
--Secs
Her Story

Erika and Charlie had everything. A home. Each other. A perfectly reasonable expectation of being together for the rest of their lives. But the bread cult shot Charlie, in which Erika might or might not have played a role — and now she's a widow with a mold that refuses to stop spreading. You decide either to save her or destroy her.

✦ ✦ ✦

Choose Your Side.

Pick a team. Pick an amount. Her fate moves accordingly.

Team Save
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Save
Erika.

Cover her in gold foil, marry her off to JD, seal her and JD in resin forever and give them the happiest life. Fund her survival and receive a certificate confirming you supported Erika the bread in her survival.

◆ Silver $100+ ◆ Gold $500+ ◆ Platinum $1K+ ◆ Diamond $10K+
vs.
Team Destroy
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End
Erika.

Throw her off a table, amputate her in half, crush her in a car, burn her to ashes. Documented, uncut, delivered directly to you. Your certificate confirms you funded the most dramatic destruction of a widow bread in recorded human history.

◆ Silver $100+ ◆ Gold $500+ ◆ Platinum $1K+ ◆ Diamond $10K+
✦ ✦ ✦
The Roadmap

What happens at each threshold.

Whichever team crosses a threshold first triggers that event immediately.

← If Team Save crosses first If Team Destroy crosses first →
◆ Team Save crossed $1,000 first
Erika goes in the fridge.
Temperature controlled. The spreading slows. She is stable. She is fighting the mold.
$1,000
◆ Team Destroy crossed $1,000 first
Erika is thrown off a table.
Full drop. This is only the beginning.
◆ Team Save crossed $10,000 first
Erika is covered in gold foil.
Every part of her is covered in 24k gold, giving her the ultimate respect.
$10,000
◆ Team Destroy crossed $10,000 first
Half of Erika is amputated.
She is cut in half — the healthy half. The ultimate disrespect. The mold continues, unbothered.
◆ Team Save crossed $50,000 first
Erika marries JD.
A full ceremonial wedding of Erika and JD. She finally marries her boyfriend. The bread pastor declares them husband and wife.
$50,000
◆ Team Destroy crossed $50,000 first
Erika is crushed by a car.
Slow roll. Full weight. Unedited. You asked for this. You paid for this. You will receive it.
◆ Team Save reached $100,000 — Erika & JD are immortal
★ FINAL FATE: Erika & JD, sealed forever.
Both sealed together in clear archival-grade epoxy resin. Immortal. Together forever in a block nobody asked for and everyone will stare at. Erika wins.
▼ Erika and JD are shipped to the highest Team Save contributor at $100K
$100,000
◆ Team Destroy reached $100,000 — Erika is ash
★ FINAL FATE: Fire. Ash. End.
Erika is burnt slowly. Then to ashes. Ceremonially. The ash is collected, sealed, and sent to the highest Team Destroy contributor. She came from the earth. She returns to it.
▼ Ash vial shipped to the highest Team Destroy donor at $100K
✦ ✦ ✦

Satirical performance art & novelty e-commerce. Not a charity. Not tax-deductible.
Erika is a real slice of bread. All milestones are binding and will be executed as documented.
The first team to cross a threshold triggers that event. All sales final. All bread mortal.
JD has consented. JD is also bread. The Bread Cult did not respond to our outreach.
— [email protected]